FESTIVALS - JUST A BIG PILE OF CRAP?

Beware festival season is approaching. And I’d advise you to do whatever you can to avoid wasting hundreds of pounds on three days of absolute hell this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I can well understand that Woodstock and Glastonbury had their moments, but are the multitude of cash cow copycat festivals such as ‘The Big Chill’ and ‘Bestival’ really worth the money, time and hassle?

UK music festivals seem to be made up of two main contingents: Pringles Crisps advert teenage types going mad i.e. clapping and cheering for acts such as Lilly Allen and Seasick Steve, and thirty plus ravers trying their best to keep going all night in the dance tents, and quite literally going mad in the process. Amazingly both groups manage to act completely as if the other isn’t there.

But these groups have more in common than they think.

Both have paid ridiculous money for a tiny piece of bumpy grass on which to badly pitch a tent.

Both, over the three days, will smell and see extraordinary huge piles of sh*t, piss and blood – the memory of which will forever haunt them, causing them to retch on recall right up until their dying day. (‘That’s not a reaction to the chemo, someone just mentioned Bestival 2009.’)

Both will spend the best part of three days looking for people they know only to find them and immediately lose them.

Both will, by the third day, have matted hair, nails ingrained with mud, and will feel the need to stab someone. (They won’t be able to as there will be cameras everywhere.)

Then, just when both groups have worked out where their favourite bits of the festival are, it’ll be time to go – meaning they’ll be home the following day, as it’ll take a day just to get out of the festival grounds.

But hey, how can you say it wasn’t worth it when your group’s pink leotards went down so well? And who can forget the Electro performance in the ‘Sonic Wood’ or that ‘hilarious’ comedy yoga session? Not to mention how cool you’ll look in your flowery wellies and boho gear on facebook. Not.

Posted 12:16 PM on Sat May 30 2009

By Wedding Belle

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