This Valentines day; watch out, one wrong word and you could be history

‘Romance must be in the air’, I was thinking just the other day. Not only was February the 14th approaching, but a good friend of mine, Simon, had a hot date lined up with a guy he’d met on the internet, and, after extensive pre-date text messaging, Simon had begun to think that he might well be the one . Then, my sister Emma, who’s never been remotely attracted to any man, except Russell Brand (don’t ask me why), started seeing someone.

So, last Friday night, over the table at a romantic restaurant, Simon made the, admittedly slightly wanky, comment that the menu was ‘quite gamey’. ‘I’m game if you’re game’ was his date’s reply. Oh dear. In that one, over-keen and suggestive phrase, the chemistry was gone for Simon, and his only thought from then on was: ‘When will this date end?’ (I personally would be more likely to go off someone who said: ‘This menu’s quite gamey’, but each to their own.)

Meanwhile, on the other side of London, Emma, was trying to push to the back of her mind the recent Facebook status of her new beau. ‘Barry had a great time last Saturday. You know who you are!’ ‘Barry can’t wait to see Emma tonight’. Emma felt slightly sick on both occasions. This over-zealousness was then reinforced by excessive hand grabbing in the bar they met in. Enough was enough: she was forced to confess that she ‘just wasn’t into him.’

I know exactly how Simon and Emma felt; that disappointing sinking feeling you get when you know there is no way back from a comment or action – you will never be sexually attracted to this person. In the past, I’ve dumped guys for having taps on their shoes, using the word ‘jobbie’, and, on one fatal cinema date, turning to me, just when we were about to take our seats in the cinema, and announcing: ‘I’m owa furra paush’ (I’m away for a piss, in Scottish). Goodness knows what idiotic comment or act has put potential partners off me before – it’s a minefield.

What one person finds endearing, another will find a complete turn off; there is no general rule, and to ignore these feelings would most likely lead to disaster: Science has proven that initial impressions should be trusted, and I know from experience that one wrong word or action can indeed ruin a not-so-beautiful relationship; helpfully ensuring that as little time as possible is wasted by both parties.

I wonder, if you are into someone, do you just not register these moments? Perhaps true love really is blind? Maybe there’s a way to find out: This Valentines day, why not change your facebook status to ‘Hey X, I’m game if you are’, gets taps fitted to your shoes, and just after you’ve sat down for your romantic Valentines meal; proclaim, while grabbing your dates hand incessantly; ‘This menu’s quite gamey. I’m away for a jobbie’? If they stick with you, it just might be love.

Posted 12:01 PM on Wed Feb 11 2009

By Barbie

1767 views, 1 Comments