Seven signs that the boom-time is over

Yesterday I came across an Ipod still in its box that was given to me a couple of Christmases ago, I also found three perfectly working mobile phones in random drawers; cast aside in favour of newer models marketed to me at upgrade time. This morning, in the supermarket, I glanced over at the Chinese mushrooms and South American asparagus that used to take pride of place in my basket, as I bypassed them in favour of seasonal and home grown vegetables such as Jerusalem artichokes and chicory.

These now ignored foreign foods and underused and abandoned gadgets all act as distant reminders of my boom-time bonanza days when I flung austerity and simplicity to the wind in lou of extravagance and eclecticism. It’s hard not to feel sheepish now as, like on a grey day at a cheap holiday resort; stripped of booming light everything is suddenly seen through a different perspective:

Kate Moss is ageing after all

For a minute there she seemed to be getting away with it, as we held her up as hopeful proof that endless partying can’t be that bad for you. So much for that ridiculous, and blatantly wishful thinking notion, as surprise surprise she’s aging just like the rest of us and, while we may love her for it, the media back lash has already begun as pictures are printed of her – shock horror – looking her age and new models such as Daisy ‘no drugs allowed at my party’ Lowe lead the charge of the EYNF (eternally young but no fun) post-boom brigade.

Posh Spice is too thin, it’s official

Yes, what all Brits have known for years but have been too busy marvelling at to make a big deal of; (Well, it does take a phenomenal amount of hard work and dedication to maintain a size zero frame over ten years and through three pregnancies.) Posh Spice has been given the official stamp of ‘too thin’ by the media in the US. Apparently – post-boom – it’s no longer fashionable to look like you can’t afford a good meal.

Angelina Jolie is no longer ‘cool’

Forget Ipods and mobile phones, Angelina is waking up and scratching her head to an army of children, a partner with a drink problem and a world where her once admired sexy and exciting antics of blood wearing, brother kissing and animal howling promiscuity have, almost overnight, been reallocated to the ‘desperate’ category. Practically every UK paper at some point last week printed the same overused photo of Jolie in a black leather dress alongside any picture they could find of Jennifer Aniston wearing something either pastel or floaty – ideally both and walking her dogs on a beach. Even The Sunday Times published an article in which the possibility of Brad Pitt breaking up with Jolie and getting back with Aniston was described as ‘good triumphing over bad’ . It’s as if poor Angelina is being offered as a sacrifice to pay for our all our boom-time sins.

Being a ‘Recruitment Consultant’ is seen for what it is

Hurray! Everyone is finally realising that the boom-time’s most over used job title ‘Recruitment Consultant’ can quite simply mean ‘Modern Day Slave Trader’ in the hard light of a recession and that the internet doesn’t harass you on the phone all day or smarm its way into companies. These self-named ‘Consultants’ are being let go by the bucket load. Time to get a proper job boys and girls?

Professional sports people are revealed as mere mortals

The signs are everywhere; from Serena Williams shouting profanities at the US Open to Tiger Woods and John Terry’s sordid sex antics. Yes, these boom-time demigods are in fact just incredibly spoilt, all be it talented, versions of the rest of us after all.

Russell Brand, Robbie Williams, David Walliams just want to settle down, honest

Three of the most famous bachelors in the country are settling down; Brand and Walliams have cast aside their much boasted of (during boom-time) lethario personas and are getting hitched while Robbie has confessed that he’s desperately shy and just wants to be loved. Awe. Just in the nick of time boys; you were almost facing sacrifice along with Angelina.

Jude and Sienna are meant to be together after all

Come back Jude all is forgiven. It wasn’t your fault you went off with the nanny; it was the mood of the nation. You just got carried away. We all did. (Especially that Angelina.)

Posted 05:47 PM on Wed Feb 17 2010

By Credit Muncher

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