What is it about so called ‘unifying’ events that brings out the morons?

There is something about so called ‘unifying’ events such as Royal Weddings and the death of wanted terrorists that brings out the moronic side in people, it would appear.

If I’d been watching the royal wedding on TV in another country, I’d have been thinking, just as I did on watching the ‘Obama gets Osama’ celebrations: ‘Who are all these idiots on the streets?’

And the fact that we, in the UK, were celebrating a marriage not a murder does by no means make our behaviour any less moronic than our ally’s carnival style rejoicing on hearing the news that their president had successfully killed a man.

I feel queasy whenever I hear yet another letch marvel at Pippa Middelton’s bottom. I am praying that the massive bandwagon full of people, who have never met a royal in their life, proclaiming what a ‘great guy’ Harry is will crash into the Thames along with the equally clueless ‘Perfect Kate’ and ‘Wonderful William’ brigades.

Here’s a royal reality check. You don’t know any of the royal family. And I can pretty much guarantee that if you ever did come across any of them in your normal walk of life i.e. not as a ‘subject’ giving them flowers and bowing/curtsying, they wouldn’t like you at all and the chances are you wouldn’t like them either. They are the poshest of the posh. They not only only think they are better than you (as, let’s face it, most posh people do) the fact that one third of the world watched the royal wedding kind of confirms to them that they are indeed better than you.

Thanks to the moronic reactions to the royal wedding, Pippa has been elevated from Kate’s uglier sister to the most eligible woman in the world, Harry to some sort of rock and roll character, Kate is now an icon and William the ‘People’s Prince’. What next? Will the country decide Camilla is the Anti-christ and Carole Middleton Mother Nature herself?

In reality the People’s Prince is a ‘Big Willie’ who, according to biographers; when at St Andrews uni was often mean to ‘normal’ girls who approached him, only hung around with a tight group of posh mates, held elitist dinner parties at his country farm and regularly spoke down to Kate when she was his girlfriend/maid.

Oh, but they are a modern sort of royalty, I hear you cry for the zillionth time. Erm – am I missing something here? The whole thing was pomp and tradition straight out of the history books. The only difference with this falsely proclaimed ‘modern’ style of royalty is that they have entwined themselves so tightly with the world of celebrity and the media that they have created a new version of high society – ‘celeb society’; A double headed beast that protects the royal family’s centralised position by using one of its mouths to feed us and our children the message that to be in celeb society is to have succeeded in life, while the other chews on then spits out 99.999…% of those who dare get close: ‘Sorry, you’re not f*ing invited.’ ‘Ahem. Your pass says audience member only, don’t you know?’ And all the while fuelling the country’s fame culture and the sordidness and heart break that goes with that particular form of mirage chasing.

Real modernity could have been demonstrated by a much less elaborate ceremony accompanied by televised local celebrations around utility improvements, opened by a different royal in each location. Something that would have had a positive effect on the culture of the UK, rather than simply back tracking to the traditional ceremony and naff street parties of the past (this time with added bureaucracy – ah, maybe that was the modern bit).

The ceremony may have been a lovely sight of TV but, like a spoilt child, it was deeply ineffective in achieving anything other than attention. And what of David Cameron’s ‘big society’? It was a day when the big society looked on as celeb society demonstrated that without a shadow of a doubt two classes still very much exist in this country. Sorry, I forgot, Cameron and SamCam (not to mention SamCam’s sister who was featured in the Saturday Times this week) have always been integral players in celeb society. Big society by arse. Small and pompous society trying to control the rest of us more like.

As for KatWi themselves, I’d be more likely to think of them as modern if they did genuinely have some ‘ordinary’ friends and hadn’t resorted to inviting token guests such as a couple who ‘serve’ them in Kate’s local corner shop, in an embarrassing attempt to prove their own down to earthness. Or if just one of the many journalists desperately trying to find one iota of interesting info about either of them to share with the expectant world, had come up trumps. As for their music tastes; Joss Stone and Ellie Goulding are hardly radical choices.

I am sure that many a little girl was feeling just as my eleven year old niece was last Friday. Not happy that another girl was getting all the attention, she ignored the TV and tried to work out if there was any way she could marry a prince. But alas she is too old for Harry (although, I’m sure a moron would point out that ‘you never know with that Harry’ wink wink) and too young for any KatWi kids. Never mind, maybe she can get into the BB house, join a girl band or have sex with a footballer. Obviously, what I really hope for her is that she realises it is all bollocks and is simply happy. She is already far too interesting to be a royal bride anyway.

Yes, Kate Middelton is quietly pretty, yes she can, can you believe it…..smile? I’m sure I’m not alone in knowing plenty of pretty girls with lovely smiles AND nice bottoms who are trying to change themselves to be a ‘success’ like the people in the magazines.

Just like Venus and Serena Williams father decided that they were going to be tennis players before they were born, I wonder if expectant couples are now deciding that their child will be king or queen one day and have resolved themselves to bring him or her up to always do the least offensive thing, social climb, not have much of a personality and smile inanely throughout their life. To be a moron, you might say.

I fear we are surrounded.

Posted 04:30 PM on Fri May 06 2011

By Barbie

795 views, 6 Comments