A classic episode of The Vanessa Show

It’s a brave woman who takes a stab at fame via the breakfast show strap line route. A few years ago I witnessed a rather disturbed looking woman announce, on the GMTV sofa: ‘I never wash my bras’. This bravery was more than matched on yesterday’s Vanessa Show, by Laura who was on to discuss an article she’d written entitled: ‘Sometimes I hate my own (3 year old) son’. She even divulged early on that her husband, unsurprisingly, is not too keen on her very public revelation.

Speaking of husbands, it’s hard to take Vanessa’s husband, Ben (an ex DJ of Phats & Small fame no less) seriously at the best of times – as he sensually strokes his wife’s arm during sofa interviews and adopts a pair of novelty glasses to attend film premieres where he interviews celebrities using the classic ‘right’ and ‘yeah’ response technique – let alone when he hit the streets asking people the question: ‘Is it ever OK to admit that you hate your children?’ The new Richard Madeley of breakfast TV, maybe, but has Vanessa forgotten what sharing your simple husband with the nation did to the nerves of Judy Finnigan?

Fortunately the token ‘parenting specialist’ was on hand to offer such gems of wisdom as: ‘Put your feet on the ground. Stand firm. Stand up.’ (What did she think Laura had been doing before – bouncing on a trampoline?) While bamboozled fellow guest, Tamzin Outhwaite, the only apparently sane person in on the conversation, suggested laughing at the situation as it ‘is quite funny.’

It was then back to more gems from the specialist: ‘Think, is it hunger?’ ‘Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?’ ‘Chill out.’ ‘Keep a diary.’ Until Vanessa, who by this point must have realised the Madeley/Finnigan parallel for herself, suggested that we all feel hate towards everyone – our spouses for example – it is normal.

The parenting expert concluded with a handy demonstration of how to talk to your child by saying ‘In a minute we’re going to be putting our clothes on’ in a manner not dissimilar to that of the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

All I can say is I’ve worked out this game. I’m now in talks with Daybreak about my new book: ‘I fancy my dad’. If they don’t go for it, This Morning are considering having me on to discuss the subject: ‘If I ever become an auntie I will kill myself, immediately’.

You can watch the episode here. (available for 6 days only)

Posted 10:32 AM on Tue Feb 01 2011

By Media Mogul

693 views, 2 Comments